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Eerrmmm....I did that?

I think I'm suffering from somewhat kind of memory loss. There are times that I have just done something then I forget about it. Like the other day, I knew I photocopied something. I remembered doing it. I came looking in my desk where did I put it but couldn't find it. Then I asked myself why did I need to photocopy these papers. I remembered I photocopied it to give to my colleuge. So I asked my mate and he said I already gave it to him. I'm amazed. WTF!

I usually just laugh out loud when I do this. I remember doing something but I don't remember doing it. But come to think of it, it's kinda scary.

Wikipedia states some causes of memory loss:


Alzheimer's disease is an illness which can cause mild to severe memory loss.
Parkinson's disease is a genetic defect which can always result in memory loss.
Huntington's disease is an inherited disease which can result in memory loss.
It is sometimes a side effect of
chemotherapy in which cytotoxic drugs are used to treat cancer.


Definitely not cause of mine. And I hope I will not endure this kind of challenge.


Certain forms of mental illness also have memory loss as a key symptom, including fugue states and the much more famous Dissociative Identity Disorder.


Hmmm... multiple personality disorder or having alter egos... I usually am moody that I switch persona once in a while but this pertains to the alter ego to the highest level and quite sure that's not it.

Stress-related activities are another factor which can result in memory
loss.


Now this is more likely me. Too many brain activity at once.


It can also be caused by traumatic brain injury, of which a concussion is a
form.



I know I act like a lunatic once in a while and maybe said to have brain injury, I do sometimes bump my head to the weirdest ceiling imaginable but thanks to my thick head, I'm still alright.

We'll I guess for me, I just need to relax a bit and lessen the "multi-tasking" I am doing so often. I should be mindful of what I am doing too and lessen the spacing out I usually do. We'll if something happened more than occassional memory loss, I will write about it here. That is.. if I remembered it. :)
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Friday Rant

For more than a year now, our department is located now on our old building which is far away from the eye of our "customers". We transact with them from then on via the phone and thru their crewing supervisors. Unlike before that we see them everyday and they can disturb us in every way imaginable.

Its nice to see them visit the office once in a while... not. Especially if the person was one of the unwanted one. I was not supposed to be offended. I am used to being greeted by people who I havent seen from a long time by "Hey, how are you? You got fat!". Except yesterday I was already a bit down 'cause I haven't doing well on my diet and then the fu**er came in our room and greeted me that way.

WTF!

I wanna go berserk! But I can't. I need to finish a bunch of papers. I just replied to the man, "I know. What can I do for you?". We'll he was requesting me to do something for him. He got a NO for answer. What do he expect? : )

Later in the day, I just laughed the incident away but it's a wake up call.

The challenge is now, to stick with my diet. It's so easy to plan. So hard to stick with it.
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Falling Off The Wagon and Getting Back

I planned year 2008 to be my best year ever. The world agreed but it has other ideas. It was not great. It was nowhere near good even. 2008 was a year of nightmare for me.

I had started the year with a new career. I left the awful job who takes 12 hrs of my day for a super busy day. I found myself in fast-paced industry of call center industry. The job is easy but the schedule sucks. But I was optimistic. And I believe I was happy. But somebody is not. And he hid it from me. That's where nightmare started.

After a month on the new job, I noticed a lot of changes in my marital relationship. I understand my husband coming home late 'cause its the job. What bothered me was he was always out of focus. He's always texting. Funny, he don't text me much. The worst was he was not there for me on our first wedding anniversary. The reason, he was with co-workers on their boss's mother's funeral. WTF! A dead stranger is more important than me? Something is wrong. I am troubled. I am not number one anymore in his list. I got to do something.

I quit the fast-paced call center job and went back to the awful job. Husband was happy. He said he did miss times we spend together. So I bring back the old times. But still something is wrong. I can feel it. I wanna threw away the cellphone and break it into pieces. Then I read something I'm not supposed to read. I had discovered a pieces of a puzzle. Curious as I always have, I solved the puzzle. Bingo!

I died.

I fought back.

I died again.

I fought back and resurrected as an on-line game addict.
I got depressed. I don't wanna leave house.
Playing the game was all I wanna do.

I was numb. I was dumb.

I ate some of that depression. Stress at work joined-in at beating me up. I ate away the stress too.

As they say, time heals. And I believe I am healed. Not 100% but it got better. I am grateful.
I'm pretty much in love. I could say I'm happy now again. Except that I have to endure the fruit of the destructive habit I did during my zombie phase. The excess baggage.

I was browsing Oprah the other day. It looks like I was not alone on my struggle last year. I'm glad for her she started the year with a bang. I just started on this 2nd quarter. I was still out of focus when the year started.
One thing I know today. I have to get back in the wagon. As of the moment, the wagon is still running faster than me. But I wont give up. I shall run faster and get back on it soon.
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